the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
