I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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