can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
