Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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