when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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