So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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