Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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