Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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