the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
