so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Terrible idea I love it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
