i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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