I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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