just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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