I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
