What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
