So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
