when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
