mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
