im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
