I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
