Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
