If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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