I wish i was in the wii world.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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