Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
