You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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