12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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