Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Randomize
