my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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