You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
