Fine. I'll sleep in my office
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
