don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Randomize
