he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
