after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
