my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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