my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
