I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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