why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
