You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
