We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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