oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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