I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
