is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
