I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
