Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
