i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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