my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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