I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
