she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
