She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
