I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
