New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
NoShamevember. You game?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
