Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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