Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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