I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize