I want to walk on stilts...naked
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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