my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
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Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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