drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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