So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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