I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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