planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
