i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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