Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
