Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
