you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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