Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
