how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My pussy is not your playground.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
