covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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