Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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