grandma shit on top of the toilet
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
