remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
