dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She's the barista slut.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
