Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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