And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
